As a woman, I am wired to love everything about shopping. I would hit a sale rack like a fly on shit. £42 pound jeans for £15? Abso-fucking-lutely!!! Even full price clothing, I might have to declare bankruptcy but I would always return home happy. However... now, 3 stone heavier, 2 dress sizes larger and just generally much MUCH rounder, shopping can only be summarised as manual labour, confidence maiming or to put it bluntly an absolute fucking nightmare.
The days of mini skirts and tight fit clothing are gone and all your left with are leggings, jumpers and oversized t-shirts. My favourite jeans (The only pair I could still fit in) ripped the other day and it ultimately sent me on a downwards shame spiral. I have spent too long flicking through my own wardrobe, trying to convince myself that I still fit in those pants and that the arms on this blouse aren't too tight because who needs full arm mobility anyways? Cute clothing isn't supposed to be comfortable. Beauty is pain remember!!! The bottom line is... ALOT of my clothes just don't fit anymore. So before crying myself into oblivion, I hit the shops for some retail therapy to learn shopping as a frump is anything but therapeutic.
The place where your self esteem comes to die. Why do stores put flawed mirrors and really awful artificial lighting in their changing rooms? Lighting that pulls out every flaw, every insecurity and highlights it for you in the mirror infront. Funnily enough TOPSHOP, I would not like to see every element of my cellulite as I try on these shorts. Can we also address how small changing rooms actually are? I'm not saying I need a whole arena to try on a top but I'd like to be able to navigate my arms through the arm holes without cracking a bone or knocking through a stall wall.
Now, despite my recent weight gain, between you and me I am for the most part a strictly thong or french knickers kinda gal. My arse has and will always be the star of the show which was great when I had stomach like a surfboard. Now it looks more like a pool floaty and finding underwear that doesn't look like spanx or the classic Bridget big knick has become a task. Chubby gals need to feel sexy too!
It is common knowledge that women come in different shapes and sizes, it can be difficult to find clothes that fit perfectly so answer me this... I am a UK size 14. Why am I a different size in every single shop???? I don't need to be comforted with "awww the sizes are small in here". I don't need to be breaking a sweat trying to put on size 16 jeans in Miss Selfridge praying the sound of stitching ripping will go away.
Hands up if you find some retail assistants incredibly intimidating?
I've worked in retail, I have so many friends in retail. I know it's not all rainbows and sunshine, I've had fucking terrible customers. I'VE DONE 4 CHRISTMASES IN RETAIL, that shit will change you for the worst. But I'd like to think I've never made a customer feel bad about themselves. I don't need store assistants to ignore me or give me attitude because I've asked them to see if there's a larger size.
Ultimately, the reality of the situation is, shopping has become a really stressful thing for me. I can't count the amount of meltdowns I've had in changing rooms because nothing fits right for my body. Trying on garment after garment for nothing to fit is really discouraging. This week has been another challenging one, only one pound down this week but trying to remain positive, small progress is better than no progress at all.
3 pounds down and many more to go!
Lou xox
