The Gym; a place of self-growth, determination and hard work? Or a place of sweaty pits, gym monkeys and Gym Shark nobheads.

So, here's the thing. When you're in the cinema and you're watching the likes of Selina Gomez coming from a spin class with a lovely duwey face, or when you're scrolling through instagram and Kendall Jenner has just posted a quick post-hot yoga snap and she looks like a sexy, steamy, sauna Goddess. It's really fucking hard to not create unrealistic expectations when it comes to the gym. My return to the gym had me thinking and gyms are definitely not as glamorous as I had imagined. My expectations vs. reality were polar opposites which felt similar to a slap in the face or maybe a punch to the tit, both very unpleasant.  I was forced to accept alot of home truths and turns out my gym alter-ego was most definitely not the duwey, sexy, Jane Fonda wannabe I had once thought. Turns out when I slip on a pair of gym leggings I am infact still a frumpy, sweaty, red faced women who is yet to rediscover her ankles.

Ladies, I present to you... Gym expectations Vs. Reality

So... funny story... blogging is hard.

I find it hard to commit to anything other than a packet of JaffaCakes and a cup of tea, so if you ask me 3 weeks is an achievement in itself. But like every boyband that made it in the 90's... Welcome to my long awaited comeback.

It is a New year, Christmas is over and we're all fat again!!! Gyms are heaving and the religious gym go'ers are seething and I am majorly grieving my festive diet which consists solely of pigs in blankets, stuffing and festive bakes from Greggs. Those pasties are some good shit. 

Want to know the most important thing about January? a clean slate. Forget the guilt you felt on December 31st because you ate 3 tubs of Celebrations over a space of 2 weeks. Those 12 bottles of wine you guzzled, erased from your memory. The 3 trips you took to the buffet table at your aunts annual boxing day feast, don't even think about it. Because it is January and the rules are "New Year, New Me". That person was the old you. The new you would never eat 4 packets of crisps in one sitting because 'they're only small bags'. That person is a piece of history. I am the new and improved Lou, The skinny girl I once ate is screaming because she is ready for her solo performance and I am ready to let her shine.



I am back in the gym, I think that skinny girl is beating me black and blue from the inside because I am SORE. I have scowered the shops for the stretchiest gym clothing in all of the land and renewed my Apple music subscription to make the gym somewhat bearable. Sidenote: I found a clubland version of 'Thank U, next' and it was SHAMEFUL. Ari leaves no room for improvement. Wannabe Dj's you have been warned. Leave her musical genius alone. Anyways... I have eaten a record of 2 salads this week and I am ready n' waiting for my abs. I find myself consistently disappointed when I eat healthy and I don't instantly look like an Instagram influencer or a Victoria Secret model.

 

To say this week was easy would be a lie, I have been miserable and hungry for the best part of this week however the feeling of accomplishment I felt this morning was wonderful. Understandably due to the drastic, and I mean drastic changes (I haven't eaten crisps for breakfast once this week!) I have made this week, I have noticed some erm... unanticipated changes within myself that I feel I should share, this is the Chubby Confessionals after all, I would be doing my reader's a dis-service if I did not from time to time make actual confessions. So I have devised a list of things NOBODY tells you about healthy eating, dieting and exercise, what NOBODY tells you about a change in the way you treat your body.                           


THIS IS THE UGLY TRUTH OF HEALTHY EATING... I hate to be graphic but to be frank, I have never spent so much time on the toilet. (I'm debating installing a television at this point) My body has literally gone into shock, with the mass amount of vegetables I am putting in my body. I did a load of googling after fearing my arsehole would be the death of me but turns out I've been eating a shed load of fiber. Over joyed I'm not being assassinated by my arsehole, but I am remaining hopeful that my body will adjust and I won't break the bank buying an ungodly amount of toilet roll.

                                      

   
My body is having withdrawals. I know dieting is hard but this week I have had LITERAL cravings. There have been points this week where I would have committed terrible crimes for abit of Dairy Milk. Turns out all the best snacks are the enemy to those on a journey towards weight-loss and my body is making me pay for the previous crimes I have committed against the laws of a balanced diet.

Lets face it, the shakes don't work and there is no healthy way to lose weight as quickly as we'd like too. (If Slimfast changed their names to SlimRapid they'd definitely sell more shakes.) I think I thought once I'd eaten a few healthy meals, I'd wake up looking like a Victoria Secret Model. The truth is I've worked my arse off this week to only lose 2 pounds. I weighed myself every day and was shocked when I saw no progress until this morning. I have to keep reminding myself nothing is going to change over night.

If you tell my boyfriend I'll deny it but before the poops there are usually toots. Normally I like to keep up the illusion, that as a female, only glitter and sparkles come out of my back end however this week the fairy dust is gone and I have been left with what can only be described as flatulence. I am bloated and gassy and It's loud and it smells and I do not like it.



All in all this week has most definitely been an eye opener. It's been hard, like sooooooooooooo hard but I have been informed by my 'skinnier' friends that it does indeed get easier (I'm not convinced).  In the meantime, I am hopeful the toots and poops will retire and I am feeling more and more positive about the changes that are to come.

2 pounds down, and a hell of a lot more to come!

Lou xox

Hi... Spending 20 minutes rewriting the words "hey" "Hello" and "Howdey" is not a good way to start your first blog post but here we are ladies and gentlemen. (I can't believe I considered 'howdey' either... what am I? Born in the midwest?) I'm starting this blog as a way to creatively and healthily put my thoughts and feelings out into the big wide world. But most importantly, to hopefully make a positive change in my life (I'm a drip I know but stay with me). Remember when you were younger and you looked at pictures of yourself and you were CONVINCED you were the same size if not bigger than a beached whale? And then fast forward 2-3 years you look back at those photos and you realise you were in the best shape of your life and now you are indeed the same size if not bigger than a beached whale?